Rose's Feast Days

Yesterday, December 30, the anniversary of the beginning of the trauma of losing Rose...

In Memory of Our Rose Marie

Born on March 19
St. Joseph's Feast Day,
Patron Saint of Families

Baptized on December 6
St. Nicholas' Feast Day
Patron Saint of Children

Died on January 5
St. John Neumann's Feast Day
Patron Saint of Catholic Education
and parish where Rose was baptized

Our blessed Rose has interceded for many people
so please continue to ask her to whisper your petition
into our Loving Savior's ear...

Sweetest Rose...pray for us.

http://web.me.com/babyrose

With Hope

Kevin wrote...

..."I remember hearing about your loss and thinking... "how could anyone deal with such a thing". I now know that it is possible to move beyond the sorrow and see the gifts the cross can bring. When the accident was happening, all I could hear in my head were two words... "Trust" and "Wait". They carried me to this day. And as I listen to your songs, as a father that has lost a child, I find it an amazing thing that you've put into words so much of what I feel. We know we'll see our daughters someday. And for now, we'll just have to smile and wait. It will be a wonderful thing..."

With Hope

By Steven Curtis Chapman

1 Thess. 4:13-14 / Heb. 6:9, 10:23

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
Because we know our goodbye is not the end,
And we can grieve with hope
Because we believe with hope
There's a place by God's grace
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
Because now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
Because we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

On Chaos...

I thankfully have been extra nice to my home of very sweet people the last few days...

My number one goal in life outside of doing God's will has become to embrace the chaos each day offers.

Now, if I do not start my day off right with giving it to God, I am screwed anyways and this theory really doesn't work as well...

Recently, God graciously revealed the not so nice tone I was using with my children when they started speaking in this same tone to each other. Very humbling for those who have yet to experience this...

I looked at why I was speaking this way to these kind souls. Small things were catching me off guard and I was reacting to these things instead of expecting them to happen in a home full of people with different personalities.

So I am working diligently to try and embrace the chaos at the beginning of the day and I am finding myself responding differently to things that normally would set me off...

Now I am anticipating someone possibly spilling their drink or breaking their glass...

I am anticipating there being several temper tantrums and remind myself to give consequences instead of the same verbal reprimand day after day...

I am anticipating someone having an emotional breakdown and instead of discounting it as being tired, hungry or bored, I am trying to be more attentive to people's feelings...

I am anticipating a boo boo during the day and realizing the importance of stopping what I am doing and soothing until that particular person feels they are soothed and not when I think they should be soothed…

Some of my friends are very good at these things.

I started out pretty good, then the chaos of life that marriage and children bring crept in.

And in our home tragedy struck.

We have been in a tail spin since. Because of our suffering in some areas we are more sensitive to each other's needs but others we have graciously ignored from the heaviness of the grief.

So, for today, my conclusion to striving for balance and peace is to embrace the chaos each day offers...

On some occasions, anticipating the chaos has even brought humor at times and the ability to laugh at ourselves more often.

Thank God, God doesn't give up on teaching us like we tend to give up on ourselves or others at times...

CatholicVote.org

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuoTU0cdA00&feature=player_embedded


http://www.catholicvote.org/index.php

What "Matters"...

Our "Wall of Matter!"

Some "animals" in our household...

Of course, the hair made the non-living section "because we don't say ouch! when we get it cut..."

Thanksgiving 2010

A Message...

I was having a hard time while reading my devotional the other day,
struggling with my self worth,
as God sought my attention,
He left a message for me right under my nose,
reminding me of how He sees my soul
even when I cannot...

:)

Grace's 1st Birthday!

Happy Birthday Sweet Gracie!

First of all, God in His infinite love and mercy loaned you on earth to our precious family...what joy you bring us every day in seeing the world through your eyes! You are sweetness, a snuggle bunny and a total ham! You officially crawled yesterday, the day before your first birthday! The world is brighter with you in it. Our family experiences abundant joy with you in it. We love to watch your beautiful and strong personality unfold each and every day...

And, in a very special way your life has helped us to remember Rose's life. What a special gift God has given us in your first year of life.

We love you sweet girl and thank you for loving us in return...

Love, Mama

"Butterfly Mountain"

A Psalm of David

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd;

there is nothing I lack.

In green pastures you let me graze;

to safe waters you lead me;

you restore my strength.

You guide me along the right path for the sake of your name.

Even when I walk through a dark valley,

I fear no harm

for you are at my side;

your rod and staff give me courage.

You set a table before me as my enemies watch;

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Only goodness and love will pursue me

all the days of my life;

I will dwell in the house of the LORD

for years to come.

Why the "Choice" Platform is Crap...

In our hometown this past weekend (during Forty Days for Life) a mother was seen dragging her kicking and screaming daughter into an abortion clinic against her will. Thankfully, the police were called and the young woman is receiving counsel from people who are actually concerned about the life of her child, herself and the baby’s father.

Since life isn’t violent enough in the world a soon to be grandmother is trying to force her daughter to kill her own grandchild and people want to simply call it a “choice.” Well, it sure as hell isn’t the pregnant mother’s choice. So just who is it that gets a say in whether a child is brutally aborted from her mother’s womb these days?

Women have abortions against their will all the time, all over the world...

-Pedophiles' crimes are covered up by forced abortions...

-Women who are raped by their fathers and their brothers are covered up by forced abortions...

-Women who want to keep their babies and are emotionally manipulated to abort by their parents, their grandparents, the baby's fathers, against their wills can also be considered "forced" abortions...

-Men kill women who are pregnant with their babies when women will not abort their babies...

-There is undercover documentation of Planned Parenthood ignoring these facts and going ahead with scheduled abortions that clearly are against the law and undermine “a woman’s choice.”

And for anyone who says feminists are for "choice" they do not know what it means to be an authentic feminist...

The authentic feminist is pro-life because she is concerned with the rights of all women (born and unborn.)

The authentic feminist stands for justice and truth and acknowledges that her body ends where her baby's body begins...

Abortion is violent.

Abortion produces violence.

There is no justice in abortion.

Once we know the horror of abortion we can no longer turn our heads or remain silent about it.

If the majority of women regret their abortions who are the people that are pushing so hard to keep them available and what is their motive? Is it "choice" or simply a money making entity?

"Silent No More" women and men will ultimately help overturn Roe vs. Wade in our country as they share how their "choice" shattered their hopes and dreams.

Fr. Frank Pavone will continue to educate people on abortion because “America Will Not Reject Abortion Until America Sees Abortion."

We will be held accountable at the end of the road for how we responded to injustice in our lives, especially with the most innocent and most vulnerable…

"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. "

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Folks, in case you are confused it sure as hell is a child and not a choice…

On Fighting to End Abortion...

An analogy on the worth of fighting abortion...

There once was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore, as he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day and he began to walk faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man, and the young man wasn’t dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something, and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

He called out,
“Good morning, what are you doing?”

The young man paused, looked up and replied,
“Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

“I guess I should have asked;
why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?”

“The sun is up and the tide is going out.
And if I don’t throw them then they’ll die.”

“But, young man, don’t you realize that there are
miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it.
You can’t possibly make a difference!”

The young man listened politely, then bent down,
picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea,
past the breaking waves and said,
“It made a difference for that one.”

-Author Unknown-

On Control

I have been hearing a lot lately that the idea we are in control is an illusion...

-My counselor has told me on several occasions, wanting control is actually the opposite of loving someone (Yes, Sting was right when he said, "If you love someone, set them free...")

-God teaches us very clearly how to love. He loves us so much he has given us our free will. If God loves us enough not to control us why do we have the need to control others?

-When is the notion we are not in control going to fully sink into our brains and how long will it take us to break the habit of wanting control?

-Letting go of our need to control is much like letting go of our pride. We have to offer it up on a continual basis as it is not something that is taken permanently from us. God just patiently waits for us to cry out for help so He can lovingly show us He has had the reins all along...

-Not being in control sucks at times but hanging on to illusion that we will determine the outcome sucks even more...

Sadly, most of us will learn we are not in control when something unfortunate or terrible happens in our lives. Our goodness does not prevent our sufferings. Look at Job. He was as good as we get and he experienced great loss and suffering and continued to praise God...

Job 1:6-22

One day, when the angels of God came to present themselves before the LORD,
Satan also came among them.
And the LORD said to Satan, "Whence do you come?"
Then Satan answered the LORD and said,
"From roaming the earth and patrolling it."
And the LORD said to Satan, "Have you noticed my servant Job,
and that there is no one on earth like him,
blameless and upright, fearing God and avoiding evil?"
But Satan answered the LORD and said,
"Is it for nothing that Job is God-fearing?
Have you not surrounded him and his family
and all that he has with your protection?
You have blessed the work of his hands,
and his livestock are spread over the land.
But now put forth your hand and touch anything that he has,
and surely he will blaspheme you to your face."
And the LORD said to Satan,
"Behold, all that he has is in your power;
only do not lay a hand upon his person."
So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.

And so one day, while his sons and his daughters
were eating and drinking wine
in the house of their eldest brother,
a messenger came to Job and said,
"The oxen were ploughing and the asses grazing beside them,
and the Sabeans carried them off in a raid.
They put the herdsmen to the sword,
and I alone have escaped to tell you."
While he was yet speaking, another came and said,
"Lightning has fallen from heaven
and struck the sheep and their shepherds and consumed them;
and I alone have escaped to tell you."
While he was yet speaking, another messenger came and said,
"The Chaldeans formed three columns,
seized the camels, carried them off,
and put those tending them to the sword,
and I alone have escaped to tell you."
While he was yet speaking, another came and said,
"Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine
in the house of their eldest brother,
when suddenly a great wind came across the desert
and smote the four corners of the house.
It fell upon the young people and they are dead;
and I alone have escaped to tell you."
Then Job began to tear his cloak and cut off his hair.
He cast himself prostrate upon the ground, and said,

"Naked I came forth from my mother's womb,
and naked shall I go back again.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
blessed be the name of the LORD!"

In all this Job did not sin,
nor did he say anything disrespectful of God.

Beach Bliss

My favorite beach photo taken by my exceptionally photographic husband...

The Secret Path

The Secret Path
September 28
From God Calling

Suffer it to be so now; for thus if becometh us to fulfill all righteousness.
-Matthew 3:15

"Upon this I found My three years' Mission on earth--on the acceptance of the difficulty and discipline of life so as to share that human life with My followers in all the ages.

Much that you both must accept in life is not to be accepted as being necessary for you personally, but accepted, as I accepted it, to set an example, to share in the sufferings and difficulties of mankind.

In this "to share" means "to save." And there, too, for you both...the same must be true as was so true of Me. "He saved others. Himself He cannot save."

Beloved, you are called to save and share in a very special way. The way of sorrows if walked with Me, the Man of Sorrows, is a path kept sacred and secret for My nearest and dearest, those whose one desire is to do all for Me, to sacrifice all for Me, to count, as My servant Paul did, "all things but loss so that they might gain Me."

But, dreary as that Path must look to those who view it only from afar, it has tender lights and restful shades that no other walk in life can give."

292 Days

292 days was the amount of time we had our Rose here with us.

God allowed us the most special gift we could ever ask for as a parent...to enjoy every single moment with her.

All of my children have been angel babies but Rose was different. Rose was bliss in every sense of the word. Sorry kids but there never was a better baby than Rosie...

In God's infinite mercy, He allowed me to memorize every part of her sweet body, perfectly. Who would have known what a gift this would be...

On Sept. 4th our youngest child was 292 days old.

I tried to soak in her every sweet moment at this "age."

Our youngest child has brought such hope and healing in the midst of our grief and despair.

If you have lost a child, be open to new life.

If you cannot bear a child, be open to new life through adoption.

If you can have more children and choose not to make sure you are remaining open to God's life giving love through a life of NFP.

There are no words to describe the blessings of new life in the midst of such pain and sorrow...

August 30th - Feast of St. Rose of Lima

Saint Rose of Lima
Virgin
(1586-1617)

This lovely flower of sanctity, the first canonized Saint of the New World, was born at Lima, Peru, in 1586. She was christened Isabel, but the beauty of her infant face earned for her the title of Rose, which she thereafter bore. As a child still in the cradle, her silence during a painful surgical operation seemed to foretell the thirst for suffering which would consume her heart.

At an early age she engaged herself as a servant to support her impoverished parents, then worked day and night. In spite of hardships and austerities her beauty ripened with increasing age, and she was openly much admired. Fearing vanity would enter her heart, she cut off her hair, blistered her face with pepper and her hands with lime. She never left the interior of her parents’ house in Canta, for four years, not even to walk in an inviting garden just beyond its walls. She finally obtained her parents’ permission to be enrolled in the Third Order of Saint Dominic; from her childhood she had taken Saint Catherine of Siena as her model, and she then redoubled her penance. The Blessed Sacrament seemed virtually her only food. Her love for it was intense. Her fasting was near miraculous; during Lent in particular, she denied herself her former single piece of bread each day, to consume only a few orange seeds. Her disciplines were of an almost incredible severity, and her hair shirt reached from her shoulders to her wrists and knees; not satisfied with its rudeness, she armed it with iron nails.

The cell of Saint Rose was a garden hut, her couch a box of broken tiles. Concealed by her veil, a silver crown armed with ninety sharp points encircled her head. More than once, when she shuddered at the prospect of a night of torture, a voice said, “My cross was yet more painful.” The demon tormented her for fifteen years with insupportable temptations; but God sustained His spouse against them, though she would gladly have died rather than live any longer in their clutches. When a Dutch fleet prepared to attack the city of Lima, Rose took her place before the tabernacle, and wept because she felt unworthy to die in its defense, as she hoped she might; the enemy weighed anchor soon afterwards and departed without attempting a siege. All of Saint Rose’s sufferings were offered for the conversion of sinners, and the thought of the multitudes in hell was ever before her soul. She died in 1617, at the age of thirty-one.

St. Rose of Lima,
Pray for us...

Praising God Always...

When I am not doing well my good friend, Adrienne, reminds me to "praise God always..."

So one of the ways I do this is when I am feeling sorry for myself is to think of the following throughout the day...

When I take a shower I thank God I have running, hot water in my home instead of having to bath in a cold stream a few miles away...

When I eat, I thank God I have a stocked pantry to eat out of and a fridge/freezer that stores healthy food so I don't have to go out back and kill something to eat with my own two hands or make bread from scratch starting with harvesting the wheat...

When I am frustrated with my children (which their struggles mostly stem from my own weaknesses) I remember the barren couple that would do anything to have these frustrations...

When I am mad as hell about immoral people making decisions on our behalf in our government I thank God I live in a country where freedom does truly ring...

When I am frustrated about lazy, rude Americans I think of all the heroic Americans that make a difference every single moment of the day - our medical communities, our police and firemen, our men and women in the armed forces...

When I have a terrible pain or am sick I remind myself of my chronically sick brothers or sisters that will not know what if feels like to be free of pain or sickness on this earth...

When I am not happy about my mundane chores and daily responsibilities, I think of all the religious men and women in the world that have taken a vow of obedience to tirelessly pray and work for the glory of God, always...

When I feel like running my mouth about someone I remember this is what will most likely send me to and keep me in purgatory...

When I do not feel like saying my prayers I remember the sacrifice Christ made for us on the cross...

When I am frustrated with the people I love most I try to think of them being taken from me at the end of the day and lower my often unrealistic expectations of them...

And as another good friend, Amy, reminds me "God is good all the time, all the time God is good."

A Husband's Reminder...

My dear husband's response to my last post:

We'll get another moment with her.
That's what I am waiting for
and I know you are too!

Praise God for our faith.
Praise God for his continual grace and mercy.
Praise God for Jesus offering up His life
as a gift for our eternal salvation.

One More Moment

Oh, please don't go

Let me have just one more moment with you

Oh, all I need

All I want is just one moment more

-Mindy Smith

On Keeping House...

We dropped off dinner at a friend's house this afternoon whose family has a new little one. We showed up unannounced. I called before I came over but the phone kept ringing. My friend must be napping I thought. I brought a cooler in the car just in case they were not at home so I could leave dinner on the porch. When we got to her home I noticed the garage door was open. I approached the door to the house. Surely the alarm was not on in the middle of the day. I opened the door quietly saying, "Hello....."

Since my friend was not expecting me, she homeschools, and just had her sixth baby I quickly noticed the state of the kitchen...the lunch food was still out, the dirty dishes were on the counters, it looked as if the baby had fallen asleep and she had said to her children, "Quick, everyone go upstairs for reading and quiet time so mommy can take a nap while the baby is asleep."

Oh, what a gift for me to see another mother's house in disarray! When my friend came out of her bedroom I told her I was sorry I woke her and that I came over unannounced. Before she had a chance to say anything about her house I told her it was good to see her house looked like mine!

The good news about moms who school/live/play and constantly eat in their homes is we see and share our grief about keeping house with one another and what the latest tip is from "FLYlady!" We get one another through those, "I think I am going crazy" moments and as my friends Sally and Diana remind me that it is in these chaotic moments that we have the opportunity to crawl up into God's lap and say, "Help, I need you..." How smart our God is to not take away our struggles and allow us to call upon Him...

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
-Matthew 11:29

For our dear husbands, the bad news about the CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome :) is that they do not see the grief other families have going on in their homes and assume the chaos is just on our block and in our house.

I try to politely remind my dear husband that if he wants the kitchen counter cleared off, invite someone over...

and my favorite quote on balance I am always striving for...

Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.
~Author Unknown

On Wasted Pain

Suffering in itself does not make us holy.
It is only when we unite it, out of love, to the suffering of Christ that it has meaning.
Suffering without love is wasted pain.
-Mother Angelica

On Niceties

So, when we moved back to town, I put a note out we had moving boxes we'd like to pass on to someone else to use. A young woman replied and asked if she could have the remainder of the boxes. Great. When can you get them out of our garage?

Soon we noticed some harps and ornate tops from the lamps were missing. My dear husband (super duper fast but not so thorough guy) must have missed these items in the unwrapped papers.

My husband finds this woman's number, we give her a call and ask if she has these items. She says she does. I ask her if she doesn't mind putting them in the mail for me. She says it would be easier for her to have me pick them up. Bummer. We just gave her a few hundred dollars worth of boxes and she can't drop off these items when she gets the chance and she is not willing to put them in the mail. I ask my husband to forward me her contact info and I will get in touch with her.

Things are busy here from the move. We are trying to catch up with school. The new baby arrives. I ask my husband, "Do you think that woman still has the lamp parts?" "Can you find her number for me again?"

Then, when we are getting ready for bed the other night my husband out of the blue says, "You will never guess who I interviewed today at work..." I can't think of any surprising person it might be. Then he says, "The woman who we didn't get the lamp parts back from." I say, "No way! Are you kidding?" "No." he says. "Well, did you ask if she still has the parts?" "Yes, I did and she said she doesn't think she has them." "Bummer for her..." I say.

Then I ask, "Well, are you going to hire her?" My husband says, "Unfortunately, she is not the right person for the position."

Well, at least she has my husband's number in case she finds the parts...

:)

I know this is a little harsh but I mean really, just what are the odds???

On Protection...

Yesterday we found a terrifying insect in our home climbing up the kitchen wall...

One of my daughters came around the corner looking for me. From the look on her face and the pitch of her scream I knew it was a whopper. What could it be? A spider? A scorpion? Then, my son started to scream as well. Could it be a snake? Could a snake be in our house? As I rounded the corner I understood why everyone was hysterical. There was a mammoth, tremendously scary looking, red-headed centipede wiggling all of its mean parts at us. Yuck and yikes!

I told my son to watch him and I'd go into the garage to get a tool to "git" him. The screams continued as I looked for the pic ax. I thought my husband had already left for work but he was getting off the phone wondering what was going on. By this time I was hollering myself...

My husband came around the corner seeing me with the raised pic ax thinking it must be a snake! He saw the centipede and said, "Why are you all screaming?" He scooped the centipede into the dust pan to take it outside. I thought what do you mean why were we all screaming? Did you see the size of that thing? They move fast, too, hence the necessary pic ax.

My children discussed the centipede with me for the remainder of the day...

"Mom, what if they travel in pairs?"
"Mom, what if that was one of many spring centipedes."
"Mom, I accidently left the garage door open for a few minutes. Do you think another one came in?"

And I am thinking, I wonder what people do for entertainment without sweet children at home?

Then, comes the painful part of the story...

"Mom, what if while I am sleeping, he crawls up my wall and gets on me and I wake up with him on my chest?!?"

It is hard not to laugh at this particular child since he is such a worrier...

"Well, I said, if there is another centipede then Jesus will protect you from it."

Silence on my son's part as he is thinking this through.

Then comes the question I have been painfully dreading.

"Well, if Jesus will protect me from the centipede then why was Rose not protected from the accident?"

His question is met with my silence. I have to choke back the tears and the anger.

"Well," I said. "I don't know why God allowed the accident to happen to Rose. All I know is that God was with her every second she needed Him. God was there to protect Rose."

This answer would sound too simple and stupid for a non-believer but for one who has faith it is an invitation for trusting God when it seems impossible to accept what one has been dealt...

All I can say about faith is God has revealed Himself to me in many ways over my life so I know without a doubt He exists. Since I know for a fact He exists I can then focus my energy on trusting and loving Him instead of spending it on doubting and trying to convince others He is not here.

Our amazing counselor, Diana, reminded me that faith is trusting when we do not have the answers. She reminded me there is some reason why the God of the Universe who can do ANYTHING did not spare our daughter's life here on earth. Since I do not know now or probably ever will while I am here on this earth why our sweetest Rose was taken from us I have to trust that God had a reason for why she was allowed to pass from us.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

-Proverbs 3:5